


Unwanted Thoughts

by lupus_ad_vesperam



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Litpollo - Freeform, M/M, Some Cuddling, The Waystation (Percy Jackson)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26838811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lupus_ad_vesperam/pseuds/lupus_ad_vesperam
Summary: Apollo and Meg stop at the Waystation on their way east, to face Nero and Python. While everyone else is asleep, Apollo is still awake, thinking about everything he's endured and will face. And none of his thoughts offer him any comfort.
Relationships: Apollo/Lityerses (Percy Jackson)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45
Collections: the trials of apollo fic exchange





	Unwanted Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PetraMysticaCLXV](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetraMysticaCLXV/gifts).



> This is before the Tower of Nero. (Just a little reminder I haven't read anything from ToN yet.)

Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to be in the Waystation again. And the safe atmosphere and seeing some familiar faces almost helped me forget I’ll have to face Nero along with Python. 

You may be wondering, “But Lester! How could these two be worse? I mean, you faced two of Rome’s worst emperors and  _ won, _ so why are you worried?” Let me tell you, dear reader, that it’s not that simple. I can’t even take all the credit for what happened in New Rome. Frank should be the one you should thank. Me? I ruined Frank’s last request and only managed to take out Commodus because of the sound of pure rage that came from me.

What if I messed up again? What if next time, a demigod dies because I couldn’t do something to help? Oh gods, what if it were Will or Austin or Kayla? I froze at the thought. If any of my children got hurt, because of me,  _ Lester _ …

The minutes passing by were painfully slow and I know that since Meg and I leave at dawn, I should sleep. Nothing on my mind has helped me or given me a brilliant plan to just bring down Nero and Python or save the last oracle. Yet laying down alone in the room the Waystation has given to me has surprisingly hasn’t given me much comfort, despite knowing that no monsters will come to us and that everyone here is safe including me. 

In another room, Meg is probably already asleep, blissfully unaware for now of everything that we’ll have to face soon. Finding the rest of the prophecy won’t be easy for us, but I have a feeling that compared to Meg being face to face with Nero, prophecy hunting is nothing. For someone so young but to hold so much  _ fear _ when talking about him...oh, I could only imagine. I can recall when we had still haven’t gone against Caligula yet and Meg seemed to believe that even he can’t be as bad as Nero.

I pulled the covers closer to me and turned around on the bed, hoping that somehow facing in the opposite direction could help me sleep faster. But after a few minutes of having my eyes closed with no luck, I slowly opened them, opting to just stare into the darkness of the room.

Maybe if I thought of happier things, I can finally rest. So I let my thoughts drift to my sister, Artemis. I tried to think of a good memory, but my mind just refuses to cooperate. The only thing that comes up is how she saved me from near death. That, along with how any possibility of what I think my sister could be doing now just has to do with her comforting Thalia over Jason’s sacrifice. 

And suddenly, I’m thrown back to that memory, of all things. 

  
  
  


“I told you this isn’t a game!” yelled Caligula. “You don’t walk away from me alive!”

Jason and Caligula fought, riding Tempest and Incitatus, trading blows while circling each other. Arrows were embedded in Jason’s limbs yet he still raised his sword against Caligula, while Caligula fought with his spear, both with a complete disregard for the fact the space was too small to fight on horses. Their horses were fighting as well, with Tempest receiving a kick from Incitatus and the venti returning the favor with bursts of electricity. 

More than ever, I wanted to charge into the fray to help Jason. I wanted to take down Caligula, right then and there. Or if not that, at least yell at Jason to go while he still can. Watching this play out once more, knowing the outcome , and  _ still  _ being helpless…

Then, from across the throne room, Jason met my eyes.  _ NO!  _ I wanted to scream.  _ Focus on fighting Caligula! _ But instead, just like before, I saw the resolve in his eyes that said he refused to let Piper die in his place. 

“GO! Remember!” Jason yelled.

And once more, he held my gaze for too long. Once more, I watched as Caligula took advantage of Jason’s back being turned. Once more, I watch, helpless, as Caligula throws his spear to the point between Jason’s shoulder blades. 

  
  
  


“Apollo? You okay?”

I blinked, waiting for my eyes to adjust and trying to see through the dark room until I could vaguely make out Lityerses sitting on the edge of the bed. A few seconds more and I could see that his face showed concern. A part of me wondered why. 

We made eye contact and Lityerses stayed silent for a few moments until he hesitantly spoke. “So, I heard a scream. Thought I’d go investigate. The Waystation led me here and well, I figured I’d help comfort you.”

Was it just me or did he sound embarrassed? 

“I’m fine,” I replied quietly. I didn’t want him to worry about me. Lityerses had finally found a place to call home, here in the Waystation. He deserved a chance to feel loved and when Emmie and Jo welcomed him into the family, I know he could get the chance. I don’t want to be the one to burden him with my troubles. Or the thousands of years worth of baggage.

Taking myself out of my own thoughts, I saw Lityerses give me a questionable stare but he didn’t argue. Instead, he looked away, glancing at the door, then back at me. Moving to stand up, he said, “Well, I suppose I should leave-”

“Lit,” I whispered, surprising myself. Then raising my voice a little louder, I asked, “Stay with me?” I’m not sure why I don’t want him to leave. Something about him just feels...comforting. I mean, I know what he's done. But I trust him. I care about him.

A horrible thought came to me. No, no, no. What if history repeats itself? Nothing boded well for anyone I cared about. Something always had to happen. Like with Jason. My half brother...no, brother. We didn’t really know each other yet he still tried to convince Zeus not to punish me. And then he sacrificed his life for me too. Or with Crest, Hyacinthus, Daphne... What if something happened to Lityerses?

I pulled the blankets closer to me, hoping to somehow barricade myself from these thoughts. Spoiler alert: It didn’t work. More and more doubts came to mind. I found myself asking what I felt for Lityerses. As a friend? Or do I care about him in a way that’s more?

I don’t know. I don’t even know if I want to know. With the Tower of Nero, the oracles, or even me still being Lester… Would I even make it out alive? All of the emperors wanted me dead for some reason or another. I’ve had many close calls. And Caligula...had he succeeded...I don’t even want to imagine.

A voice cut through my thoughts. Familiar and soothing, I recognized it as Lityerses. “Apollo? Apollo, listen to me. You’re safe. Everything will be okay.” 

Vaguely, I felt his arms around me, hugging me. I’m surprised he stayed. Did I mean something to him too? I snuggled closer to him, deciding not to ask. In the dark and the cool air of the night, he felt warm.

Neither of us spoke or moved, settling into a comfortable silence. I appreciated him just being  _ here _ for me, honestly. I silently thank the Fates for at least giving me this peace, even if it’s only temporary. Even if everything at the Tower of Nero goes wrong, at least I got to cuddle with Lit.

As the night continued, I slowly felt myself grow more tired. A part of me just wanted to sleep with Lityerses still cuddling me. I could barely keep my eyes open anymore, sleep finally, and seemingly want to claim now. Drowsily, I softly murmured, “Thank you.” Then, I closed my eyes, finally falling asleep.


End file.
